Last year, when Lauren Haydel began her first sober holiday season, she wondered how difficult it would be to avoid alcohol at family parties and celebrations with friends. She owns a boutique, Fleurty Girl, in New Orleans’ French Quarter, a neighborhood synonymous with drinking.
But few people questioned her choice. “Instead of them asking me why,” Haydel says, “they ask me, ’Oh, do you feel better?’”
Many friends told her they’re considering avoiding alcohol themselves.
Sobriety has been having a moment, says Jessica Jeboult, founder of the website and online community A Sober Girl’s Guide.
“This is the ultimate time to rediscover or change your relationship with alcohol,” she says. With so many alcohol-free products available and growing awareness about the benefits of staying sober, “there is maximum support.”
If you are planning to stay sober this holiday season, here are tips from sober coaches, sober bar managers and happily sober people:
“Having something in your hand just ups your comfort level, because you feel like you’re socializing with this thing in your hand, instead of standing there with your hands at your side,” says Abby Ehmann, who owns Hekate Cafe and Elixir Lounge, a sober bar on New York City’s Lower East Side.
It can help to choose your alcohol-free options in advance. If you prefer something that reminds you of alcohol, sample some of the many non-alcoholic wines and beers on the market (they’re not all equally tasty) and check which are on the menu at a bar or restaurant you’ll be visiting.
If you’ll be hosting a party or attending one at someone’s home, you also can mix up your own mocktail recipes in advance.
“Treat these drinks like they’re really special,” says Vermont-based chef Suzanne Podhaizer, who makes an assortment of mocktails when she entertains.
Don’t forget the garnish, she says: “Consider putting a sugar rim on your glasses or using luster dust on top. The more you make the non-alcoholic drinks feel celebratory, the better people are going to feel.”
Mocktails also make great hostess gifts. Mix up a batch of your favorite recipe, pour it into a large Mason jar and tie it with a ribbon to bring with you.
This year, plan to gather somewhere other than a bar. It’s the perfect season “to have some lovely hot chocolates, take them outdoors and go ice skating,” says Kate Baily, a women’s health coach in the U.K. and host of the podcast Love Sober.
If you’re invited to an event that is all about drinking, give yourself permission to skip it, says Adam Cannon, a real estate agent in Pittsburgh who has been sober for 18 years.
In his industry, “at this time of year, there’s a different networking event every night of the week,” Cannon says. He opts not to go if “ostensibly, it’s about networking, but it’s at a bar. People are getting hammered.”
Even if it’s your habit to stay out late, “you don’t have to do what you’ve always done at this particular Christmas party,” Haydel says. Drop in for the first hour, then allow yourself to leave when you wish.
You won’t miss much. “There’s a witching hour when you’re out at a bar or drinking with friends,” Jeboult says. “When people get past two drinks, three drinks, the stories are the same.”
If need be, slip out without explanation. Whether you call it a “French exit” or an “Irish goodbye,” it’s totally an option.
If you’re feeling stressed during a holiday gathering, “take a time out,” Jeboult says. Escape to the bathroom, step outside for a minute or go for a walk.
Snack breaks help, too. Jay Bridwell, a recovery counselor at Red Rock Behavioral Health in Oklahoma City, often uses the acronym HALT with patients in addiction recovery. If you are “Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired,” he says, you may be more likely to reach for alcohol. So build in time for rest and meals.
And have a plan if things get tough. Whether it’s an Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor, a sober relative or a group text with healthy friends, stay connected with people who will support you, Bridwell says. You can also join an online sober group and follow sobriety-related social media accounts.
Map out multiple transportation options, rather than relying on one person for a ride home from a party. You’ll have less stress, and feel less motivated to temper stress with alcohol, if you have the freedom to leave when you wish.
During her first sober holiday season last year, Haydel reveled in meaningful conversations and the joy of waking up feeling good each morning with clear memories of the night before.
“Sobriety is the gift that you keep on giving to your future self over and over and over again,” says Eliott Edge, who manages Hekate, the sober bar.
Focus on enjoying this very real gift, Baily says. Take your time getting dressed, visualizing yourself having a great time, and imagine how you’ll feel as your head hits the pillow when you get home.
As a finishing touch, plan a reward for the next day. Maybe a breakfast date with a friend or a morning walk in the park that will feel especially good because you won’t be hung over.
“You’ve got the best bits of the evening,” Baily says, “and there are no costs.”
